20 Things to Remember

1. No one can ruin your day without your permission.

2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it
permanently.

4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will
have.

5. Success stops when you do.

6. When your ship comes in.... make sure you are willing to unload
it.

7. You will never "have it all together."

8. Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!

9. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be
happy."

10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.

11. I've learned that ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.

12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.

13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.

14. We often fear the thing we want the most.

15. He or she who laughs......lasts.

16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

17. Look for opportunities...not guarantees.

18. Success is getting up one more time.

19. Now is the most interesting time of all.

20. When things go wrong.....don't go with the flow.(go to prayer)

Jealousy

I am not jealous of tangible things...
There is nothing physical on this earth that stirs jealousy in me.
However...when we get to the intangible things...I have dealt with
those quite a bit.

One of the biggest issues I have had to deal with was with Wesley's
relationship with Chelsea.

I struggled and cried for almost two years. He doted on her every
breath and was always so wrapped up in her. I felt really like an
outsider. I was crying before the Lord one day, confessing my sin of
jealousy...I had stopped my crying long enough to catch my breath
when the Lord said,"Angela, that is how a daddy is suppose to love
his daughter and that is how I love you."...immediately I was able to
let go of the anger and resentment I had been holding on to for those
two years.

I had never felt loved or wanted by my earthly father, and had no
idea what that relationship should consist of. But when my Heavenly
Father took the time to tell me that I was that important to Him. It
immediately began to heal such a deep feeling of loss and rejection
in me. Satan had lied to me all those years, and I had listened to
his lies. I had listened to his words that cause me to feel isolation
and abandonment. When God reassured me of my acceptance and
importance to Him..my life began to change. I began to love myself,
because if God could love me...then I felt I was surely important to
Him. It was a big step in my emotional healing.

I will post more as you share also...I know satan wants to cause us
to feel isolated and all alone in the world and he will tell us any
lies that he thinks will cause us the greatest harm in our beings.
He is such a jerk!

Back to school!

Most of you know that I carried a very light load last semester at college.
The wedding and Wes's mom's illness, found priority in my life. The good news
is that Ouida is doing so much better than the doctors ever expected her to.
Praise God for that...and the good news is that Haleigh postponed her wedding
for a very good reason. She wasn't ready. These two very wonderful ladies in my
life gave us wonderful suprises. I also was able to "put make up" on the shoppe
and make her look pretty now. New carpet, new show cases, new tile, new paint all through the front of the shoppe and new work spaces. On the inside, it doesn't look like the same place at all. Thank You Lord!

Now as the New Year has started, it is time to get focused on my heart's desire.
My heart is full of nervous energy right now. I know I will be awake early in the
morning ready to go to school. I have to leave the house around 7 to make it to class by 8. Come 5 a.m. I bet my eyes will be wide open and searching for the sunlight that should be coming through the blinds in my bedroom. I might just have to wake up the sun myself!

This semester I will be learning stone setting. I know that it is a class that I need to take, but I just don't see me doing a big happy dance over learning this. I could be so pleasantly suprised though. What I am excited about is my Art Metals class!!!!!!!!!! I can hardly wait for Tuesday and Thursday nights to get here! I have some jewerly designs in my head that I am so excited to put to metal. I want to learn Mokume Gane'. It is a japanese metal art form. This is not the only thing that I will be learning, but it is one that has my heart stirred. If the class was held from 2am to 6am I would be there with bells on!!

I also will be buying all of my equipment this semester to have the shoppe in full working order. Not necessarily all the bells and whistles but what I need to serve the public right now. The Lord has really held my heart on this. I have not had any anxiety about not having what I need yet. I have bought some items here and there over the past year or so... but the Lord told me now is the time. He is ordering my footsteps...It is so scarey at times because, I know that my simple little mind can not fanthom the thoughts of God. I am having to take deep breaths almost everytime
a new item comes to mind that I believe I am to purchase.

Soooo that is where I am today... I guess this is the first time I am blogging according to my blog name...

Happy Monday!!

My Wonderful Honey

There were many times in my marriage that I can see that I gave my
husband opportunity to have an affair.

The person he married was so control oriented, and full of festering
wounds...that my life was all about me......and it was very very ugly. Thankfully he was committed to the marriage. All the times I had spent judging him and his ungodliness(he is and was a Christian) he was more solid in the word of
God than I had ever dreamed of being. All the storms of our marriage that basically I stirred up he weathered, often times soaked and beaten emotionally and
spiritually. He just stood through the storms coming out solid as a large rock
on the edge of the ocean. As I look back, all the abuse, and yuk he dealt with due to my hurts and pains....they have caused some erosion of who he was. He says that it just caused him to grow and mature and to appreciate his grand parents marriage even more. They were his example and I thank God they were. Their example is
what gave him the courage and the umph to hang on when all there was was a thread to hang by.

I thank God that He was strong enough to not let me beat him up
spiritually and cause him to question his relationship with Christ. The Lord knows I tried breaking him...I don't know why but I know ..it goes back to that control issue.

God has done a great healing in me and has taken this broken, shattered life and restored it to be what He had originally planned for me. I had to come to a place of
submission to Christ and to my husband. After years of abuse from authority figures in my life...I had to learn to trust my authority figures...or I should say...trust the God in my authority figures.

I walk in a happieness and carefree lifestyle that I had never
known until 15 years ago. I didn't know what a belly laugh was...I didn't know the cost of tears were so exspensive. I had no ideal how my my Father God loved me. I had no ideal that I was truly the apple of His eye and that He had given me a
wise, Godly man who is stronger than I ever dreamed a man could be....you see his stregnth is in the Lord...not in himself and when he needs more...He goes to his
source and his source always always has an ample supply.

Well I am not sure why I posted this...but I just am Praising God
for His goodness in my life...for His restoration of my life and my marriage.

I truly am the most blessed woman I know!

A most generous Christmas gift.

Angelina was one of those wacky women that you never know what is going to come out of their mouth, but chances are it will be the truth. Good, bad, or ugly...however the truth looks, that is how it comes out, pure and unadulterated. I never recall her intentionally hurting anyone with her words, she always used them to speak the truth with mercy. If the truth she spoke, caused a sore spot, she helped to bandage the spot before sending you on your way.

When she moved away, I missed her daily presence and ongoing sense of humor.


As Christmas approaches, my heart reflects upon this phenomenal child of God. She was a diabetic and dealt with a weight issue most of her life. She had chosen to have an elective surgery to deal with the the weight and to hopefully get healthier.
She underwent surgery on December 23rd. I am not sure what all went wrong with the surgery, but the hospital was not prepared for the worst case scenario. Angelina became their very worst case scenario. She died on the operating table.


What happened next was such a wonderful Christmas gift given to most of those who knew her and loved her dearly. It is exactly how she operated in life. It was Christmas eve when her body was taken to the morgue. The funeral home had two whole days to prepare her for her friends. Nobody was told of her death until after Christmas. The only ones that knew of course were those at the hospital, the funeral home and her very immediate family.

While my "brother"(I adopted him) Lanny spent his Christmas day with his beloved at the funeral home, We celebrated and had a wonderful holiday. Totally ignorant of what had happened. He waited until the day after Christmas to have her obituary put in the Dallas paper and our local paper. He also waited until then to have the news given to those who loved Angelina.

This generous gift, is one that I hope my family will bestow upon my friends and loved ones if I am to die so close to a holiday. I have personally requested it. I have looked my adult children and husband in the eye and told them of my request. There will not be anything that anyone can do for me, so they may as well have a joyous celebration empty of grief.

I have pondered this decision many times. It is something that I think Angelina would have decided to do herself. It is also the character of Lanny to be so generous. I don't know when this decision was made, but it is one that has affected my life in a way that I have problems putting into words. I say, thank you for your love and for your generosity.

Angelina, I still hear your laughter in my mind and feel your love in my heart.

Just a quick encouragement hug.

Remember, God is as close to you as your very breath. When you
inhale, He is in the midst of you. Do not worry or be concerned
about what seems so big and overwhelming. NONE of it is too big or
too overwhelming for the True God of the Universe. If that God is in
your midst, what have you to worry or fret about? Your worries and
frets should be worrying and fretting.

A prayer answered

When I was in 6th grade, I began to babysit for a lady that lived down the street from me. It was my lst summer job. She had a son that was about 6 months old. The distance was good for me, I didn't have to get a ride over there and the hours were good also. The hours allowed me to be out of the house alot of the time my dad was in the house. Cathy became a protector to to me, she one of the first ones that I realize God had put in my life, as a young person. When I was 16 I ran away from home and left Texarkana completely to not return for 10 years. I eventually landed at my grandparent's home to live with them. I lived in Arkansas for quite a few years, my heart missed Cathy but, she had moved and I had lost all contact with her.
She had gotten a divorce and was about to remarry when I had left. I didn't even know what her fiance's name was. Because Cathy had given me a safe place to hide and be sheltered all those years I loved her dearly for her protection. I didn't see it as the Lord's protection at that time, but truly that is what it was.

As time passed, I would try to search as much as I could to find her if I went to Texarkana for a visit with my aunt and uncle. It was totally fruitless. This was before the Internet or computers were a household staple.

Finally in 1988 I moved back to Texarkana. I was pregnant with Josh. My ex-husband asked me to please move from Shreveport and not to tell anyone that I was pregnant. For some reason, that is exactly what I did. I had met Wesley my husband while I was pregnant. He lived in Texarkana. That sounded like a good landing place to me.

Back to Cathy...It has been 10 years since I had seen or heard from Cathy. My heart loved her so much. I was so grateful that she was willing to protect me to the best of her ability. I wonder now the discussions that she and my dad might have had. I guess it is better that I don't know about them. I continued to search for my beloved Cathy, old neighbors, ex-family, old landlord....nothing ever came of my continued search.

One Sunday after church, I was in the kitchen cleaning up after lunch. I was praying for Cathy and for Little Jim. I had just asked the Lord to please help me find Cathy as, I didn't know what else to do. I was figuring Little Jim's age as I was praying for him. That is when I looked at my bottle of Dawn and thought, I need to run to Kmart and buy some more. I only have 1/4 of a bottle left. So I stopped what I was doing, and told Wes that I would be back in about 10 minutes. I got into K-mart and was still praying for Cathy as I was walking up and down the aisles. I finally spotted the detergent aisle and head in that direction. I picked up the faithful old blue bottle and headed to the end of the aisle.

I stopped in my tracks! There stood my precious most wonderful Cathy! I began sobbing and thanking God in the same breaths! At first she did not recognize me. She had been in a serious car wreck six months before and could not place me. Once we talked for a few minutes, she remembered me! My heart was soooo happy! If my heart could have jumped out of my body and to do a happy dance, it certainly would have! She was with some of her family, as she wasn't able to drive yet, I took her home with me that day and hoarded her up in my bedroom! I introduced her to Wes and then it was just the two of us for 5-6 hours. It was such a wonderful reunion!

She was living across town in the other state. For those who don't know, Texarkana is a twin city. There is Texarkana, TX and Texarkana, AR. There were 3-4 K-Marts between where she lived and I lived. She could have gone to any one of them. God directed them(her family)all the way across a state line into her old neighborhood just for me. He heard my prayer, and he answered it.

This was one of the times in my life that I felt the love of my Father so present!
I knew He had moved on my behalf so that my heart would be happy. He had worked all things for the good of me. He was moved by compassion for His daughter that He loved so much.

Reality

This has been a hard day for me. Facing the reality of what God is showing me. It really isn't a judgement on me...but a clearer picture of where I am at in Him. He is bidding me to draw nearer than ever before. He is wanting me to come out of my place of comfort and operate fully in Him. He is calling me to be more bold than I have ever been, and to speak the truth as I never have before. If I don't do this and I face reality in this way again...then I feel I will be being judged for my apathy. It will be a sad sad sight. I am challenged to rise to the occasion. I am challenged to stop long enough to make a difference in this hurting dying world. Either I am going to make a difference, or I just plain don't care. Ugh!! It is black and white...absolutely positively no grey areas here. Lord, let your love flow through me to make that difference, let your love in me draw people to me. Let me be sensitive and responsive to their needs. Let me be the one that that points them to you. Father, if I don't then it is because I either don't believe in hell or I just don't care. Cause my flesh to submit to Your Spirit in me. Cause me to not cower and bow down to anyone but You. Let Your Spirit rise in me, and lead me in only Your ways. Cause me to operate in your anointing and not my pride and or flesh.Cause me to be accountable for my words and deeds. Cause me to live a life of greater integrity. Cause me to keep my eyes focused on You and what You would have me do. In the precious name of Jesus I pray. amen

Getting my Fire Insurance

When I was a small child, my mom took us to church. I remember watching the tears run down her face, I knew that I loved her and that she loved Jesus. If my mom loved Jesus, then surely he was wonderful. Alot of things happened after that time in church, in my parent's marriage.
I really don't understand it or remember most of it, but I do remember my dad demanding that my mom have his Sunday meal on the table at 12 o'clock. Period. There was no wiggle room with my dad. His word was the law. We did not want to be outlaws in our own home. So mother quit going to church. She would take us and pick us up, or the church bus would. This went on for several years. Mother's heart became distant from the Lord, I didn't understand it back then, but now as an adult and mom of 5, I see how if a coal is removed from fire, it will grow cold.

Thankfully mother did her best to keep us in church as children. My heart knew that Jesus was special because my mom and my grandparents loved him. I loved Jesus, but I didn' want him telling me what to do. I was young and I was determined that I was going to have fun until I was old, at least 20. I had decided after I had my fun, that I would then give my heart to Jesus. I continued going to church, all of my friends at church were giving their hearts to the Lord. I wasn't going to, I wanted to have fun. Now, exactly what does fun mean to a 14-15 year old The church I attendend was a very strict no movies, no dancing type church so I guess that is what I was so concerned about. I didn't go to my first movie until I was a senior in high school. So back to not wanting to surrender my fun. I was the only child out of 4 that continued to go to church on a regular basis. There was a secret to my reasoning. It was that I got out of the house and didn't have to put up with the issue of life that occurred there. I could even lay down and go to sleep if I needed to. The pews were cushioned and were softer than the floorboard of the car.

Thankfully, all this time I was in church, I was marinating in the Word of God. It was sinking in.
It was reaching my spiritman. The pastor was preaching in Revelations. I was still not ready to surrender my fun. Then..... I had a nightmare one night. I dreamed that the Lord came back, and I was left behind. I knew that I had made this decision in my dream to not get saved. I knew this was my judgement time in my dream. It was horrible. My own selfishness had kept me out of heaven. I was doomed to hell, that is unless, I was willing to be nibbled on by little mice and then have my head cut off, then maybe I could go to heaven. Remember I said that it was a night mare. Night mares don't normally make sense. I remember looking at the date on the calendar in my dream. It was July 7, 1977....all sevens. I woke up in a panic! July 7th was just a few days a way. I had to get to the church so that I could be saved! I don't guess I knew that I could just give my heart to Jesus at home, ofcourse, I know I was sure that Jesus wasn't in our home, there was too much hell in that house for Jesus to show up. I was sure He didn't want anything to do with us. We were trash, as my father called us. Anyway.... I got to church the following Sunday, I could barely wait until the alter call. I think I was at the alter before the official alter call was made. I had to make sure that I had my fire insurance. I did not want to go to hell.

This is a very breif synopsis of when I gave my heart to Jesus. Sorry if it was choppy.
It is here though, Thankfully His grace has carried me through so much healing, and His love has healed my wounds....one by one.

Alum, Pickles and Love

I have a container of alum sitting on my kitchen window as a reminder of how my love tastes to other people. Occasionally I will take a small taste just as an extra reminder.

One day I was before the Lord, crying my heart out over my perceived rejection from the world. I was doing everything I knew to do to love those around me, and of course fully expecting their gratefulness back! Then I had a vision of the hand of God with a small amount of Alum in it. The Lord said, "taste this." I said," oh Lord, I know what that taste like, and it is soooo bitter! Why would I want to have that taste in my mouth?"(as a little girl, I mistakenly took a big wallup of it thinking that the container said almond instead of alum boy was I surprised!) Anyway,back to the Lord wanting me to taste this Alum that He had before me. I obeyed and put a little on my finger and tasted the yukky bitterness of it wondering what this had to do with my hurting heart and the rejection I was feeling. I was sure He had heard me wrong, so He was answering my cry/prayer wrong. I need to re-explain myself to Him I was sure. Once I recovered from the taste, the Lord told me that that is what my love tastes like to others. When I serve it up, that is what those that get a dose of it taste. I was in horror! Was my love that bad I wondered?!?!? Could it (my love)really be used to make pickles? Oh my goodness no wonder I felt so rejected...no one wanted my love! You see, I had not realized that only the perfect love of God is what people truly want.Unadulterated, nonjudgmental, unselfish, no strings attached love. God is our only true source of love, and if the love we are giving out isn't coming from Him, then what we are giving, certainly isn't Him. Only His love has the ability to heal the broken hearted, to bind up the wounds and to bring true joy and peace to those around us, and including us.

So make sure you are going to the true source of love, before you start dishing out portions of love to those around you.