I was never a daddy's girl... always a Papa's girl . He has been in heaven for 14 years now.
I went to vist my grandmother for the first time in about 5 years in July for my birthday.
I have seen her in the 5 years, it just hasn't been at her house.
Once we got our initial hugs and kisses over with, I immediately went to my Pa's old bedroom. Granny has now made it her sewing room. The gold velvet curtains were gone, the bed was gone. My heart was saddened. I knew though that the best place to find the scent of my Pa would be in his closet. His scent had always been there! I opened the door to the closet and there sat hundreds of pieces of material and some unfinished quilts. I took a deep breath knowing that I would smell that wonderful musty propane earthy smell of my Pa. I was wrong! My heart skipped a beat! How could this have happened? Where did his scent go? I searched all through the house with my nose trying to find that wonderfully comforting scent.
I never found it. This is the first time that I have really missed my Pa and wanted to cry. I always found comfort in being in his bedroom and just closing my eyes and there he was...still very vivid in my memories.
The memories are still there, but I feel like I lost some part of my Pa. I love him so much.
He and my granny were my source of encouragement and love as a child growing up. It seemed as though they always showed up when things at home were getting to be unbearable. They were there long enough (2days) to fill my heart with the love of Jesus and be on their way back home again. I would sob each and everytime they left or we left them. Only when I was with them did I feel safe. I guess in the scent of my Pa, I found a place of safety.
I don't need that safety anymore, I just wanted one more smell of my Pa. I want my children to know what he smelled like. I wanted to share with them what little I had left of him that isn't in my heart. I want them to love him as much as I do. I want them to know how wonderfully special he was...what a wonderful Christian man he was.
I hope when I am in heaven, my children will remember what I smelled like. I hope it will bring sweet memories to their mind. I hope this for my grandchildren that are to come also. I only smell like one thing, Jessica McClintock. I hope it is around for a long long time.