Friday, May 15, 2009

A blind leap of faith!

It was hard at times, challenging all the time and at the end of the day, I always seemed to walk away amazed at the work of my hands.

I took a Metal Arts class that truly opened up another avenue of my interests in the jewelry world. It helped me to realize that I don't want a every day run of the mill jewelry store. I want a large area of the shoppe to be a gallery of art in the form of jewelry. There will be one of a kind pieces signed and numbered and probably never to be repeated again. That is a big statement for me to make on faith, but I believe that is what my heart is hearing the Lord say. It is a bit disturbing to think of this specialized field of jewelry. I know if the Lord is directing my feet on this, there will be a clientel for it.

It is just one of those blind leaps of faith I must take to get to where God has me going.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Why would someone give their child up for adoption??

I have heard the whispers for over 20 years. I have only had a few people out right ask me why. One was a team mate on Etsy the other's were family and of course Josh.

I am writing this to give an answer to those who have wondered and have respected me and loved me enough to not pry into a place that was not ready to be opened until these past few months. Thank you for respecting me and for loving me through the times that I had no words to express what was going on inside of me.

I have never been able to really put the why into words until this past year. I still struggle to find the right words, but there are a few that I can use to describe where I was at in my life at that time. I was not a young unwed mother. I was in my late twenties and had two children. My ex-husband and I had separated and there was no resolving our issues. The marriage was over, he was gone.

When I first realized I was pregnant, an anxiety hit me that is indescribable. I felt so all alone and so overwhelmed with my two little girls. I didn't know how in the world I was going to be able to take care of another child, but I did know that the value of this precious bundle was beyond any thing that could be priced. I never gave abortion a thought. This little being was designed to be here and I was not going to interfere with the plan of God!

I fought emotional battles the whole time I was pregnant, there was no support for me with the exception of my dear Wes, my grandparents who lived 200 miles from me and Josh's life parents who lived in CT. The adoption agency I chose was of no true support. Their main concern was the $$$. I was an outcast at church to the point that I had to quit going. It by no means was a good time in my life.

I loved the baby and I didn't want any harm to come to him. I felt that I had to protect him, from me. That is such a sad statement, but it is the most honest statement there is to answer the above question.

I felt abandoned and unwanted, I didn't know how to deal with or how to address my anger and fear. It was anger from over 20 years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. The rage was coming to a head and I felt and explosion on the immediate horizon. At that point and time in my life, my anger was so out of control I truly did not think I would be able control my anger once the baby was born. I wasn't angry at him, he was just a sweet precious life waiting to be birthed into this world. I was angry at the whole world and at the thought of having to live a life in the midst of the chaos of life that I was in. This anger I remember began when I was 8 years old. I remember the day it began and the circumstances around it.

I had to protect the innocent baby from me. Even my two precious little girls needed to be protected from me. I was finding myself beginning repeat the same physical abuse that I had endured as a child. Thankfully I had a good man in my life and had just recently surrendered my life to the Lord. Wesley held me accountable and prayed over me and for me continually.

I wanted to celebrate this little person and I wanted him to be celebrated in life. I knew that I had to find the parents God had for him. I believe that when I got pregnant, God took that opportunity to answer the prayers of Josh's parents. God knew my heart was to love that little boy to the very best of my ability, even if it meant not having him in my life for his sake. I can stand before the Lord, and know that I did what I thought was the very best thing, so I am at peace.

God has delivered me from the hurt, anger, bitterness and hate that I had built a fortress with. One that had me held as a hostage in my own life. He healed my heart and set it free. He brought joy into my life and set my feet to dancing. That is what allowed me to live all those years without Josh in my life. God has filled every gap and covered every hurt with His healing love. He has protected and held my heart. He has caught every single tear I have cried over the years. He has never once left my side. He has put no shame on me. He has brought me to complete restoration in Him.

May 9th is Birthmother's Day. If you know a birthmother, say a prayer for her. Give her a hug and tell her thank you for chosing life.

Monday, May 4, 2009


It is one of the things that Texas women are known for! It is something that we have prided ourselves with for decades. It came to a screeching halt about 3 years ago!

I was looking through old pics last night and found where I had gone to visit my old hairdresser and had these hair dos tried on my via computer. I paid $35 for this service. I think it was money well spent. It helped me to decide what I wanted to do and what I definately didn't want to do with my hair. It allowed me to make a gradual growth plan for my hair by planning hair cuts and hair dos! My hair definately needed to be big and it needed to be blonde. Not cheap blonde though, that natural golden blonde with the lighter highlights in it. You know...that natural Texas blonde!

My current and best hair boss(notice she is not a dresser) I have ever had, is in full charge of my hair. I do not get much of a choice with what she does. She has this come in, sit down, and keep your mouth shut attitude. I obediently do as her attitude instructs me to. She does wonders with it. I get so many compliments even after I feel like I should not be going out in public with it. When I get to feeling like that I never tell anyone who does my hair. I don't want Ms. Shannon taking the blame for me looking like a unkempt is at those times that I wish I had my big Texas hair again. I could just tease it up and out and the yukky would all disappear behind the hairspray!

So which is your favorite do on me?? Picture #1 or 2, style 1-9 counting across.
Leave a comment please!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Right Before My Very Eyes!

Well I am seeing it happen right before my very eyes. It is a dream coming true, precept upon precept. I had no idea and still am not fully in the know on how God is going to do it all. I guess I really don't need to know what all His plans are for the future, I just need to prepare day by day for what is immediately in front of me.

Last weekend I started taking beautiful fine jewelry in for repair. I had awaited that moment for a over two years. Happily biding my time knowing that I was doing what I believed my Father told me to do. The exciting thing about taking it in for repair, is that I know how to fix it!!!! All my education is coming into play!! How exciting is that???

Today I received a custom order of a bracelet. Pearls and onyx strung on gold wire and knotted between beads. There is more to the bracelet than that, but that is the basics. I am sooo excited. I have been hunting for 7mm onyx beads this evening! I have the pearls already. I will need to order the gold on Monday. Last weekend, I took in wedding set that needed to be sized. It is 18kt white gold, very pretty, and the lady wants to be able to wear it again. It has been three years since she has worn it. I have already ordered the gold for that. Her rings will be ready by next weekend. For some reason, everyone else she took them to, told her it would be six weeks before she would get them back. It kind of seems like they might be sending them out for repair. I can't imagine holding them that long to repair them in house.

I was finally able to finish my yellow page ad this morning. I have been mulling it over for several weeks, not sure what to put in it. This is my first ad as a fine jeweler.
I wanted something that was clear, that stood out in elegant simplicity. I also wanted it to stand out with from the other ads. There really aren't but maybe 2 other ads in the Yellow Pages for jewelers. I want people that are looking for a jeweler to say, "Let me call this one!" I did have a precious friend that gave me the term "The only jeweler you will ever need." I like that and pray to the Good Lord that is the truth, because I am using it!

It won't be long until I am open full time able to make a living from the giftings and talent the Lord has given me! I can hardly wait to take a few mission trips and get some $eed planted in ministries all over the world!