I kept thinking, "God, do you know what you are doing?"...If it were twin girls I wouldn't have questioned Him one bit, but B-O-Y-S??????? I was so fearful of having little boys, so afraid that I would hurt them and not know how to mother them. I was starting out with two sons, not one to build up to the next one, but TWO at the same time! Fear was all that I could think or feel, it consumed me. I don't know if I slept that night or not, but I do know that fear had began to lead me around by the nose.
I always knew I was going to have twins. I can't remember not planning for twins. When I was in 3rd grade I had twin names picked out. They would be Patrick and Patricia. Back to the story...
The next day after receiving the news I remember being up under my covers hiding from the world and praying, I don't know what I was praying about other than questioning God's wisdome. When I finally quit talking, I heard a voice in my spirit, "Angela, I have given you two sons, because that is how much I have healed you and I want you to know that I can trust you with them." What!?!?!? God, you trust me with 2 boys???? As much as I had mistrusted the male gender my whole life(with the exception of my grandfather and great uncle)??? Wes was the 1st man that I did not fear in some way or another. He stood by me as I went through emotional and spiritual healing from the abuse of my childhood. He loved me through the hardest times in my life. He never left me or judged me for my calloused heart. I had learned that not all men were mean horrible creatures.
Micah is on the top. Jordy is on the bottom.
I began to ponder this word I heard from the Lord. He was right, He had healed me. I wasn't the hurt little girl that married Wes. I had become a strong woman and one that wanted my children raised differently than I was.
After the initial shock wore off, I began to anticipate these little fellas. My heart fell totally head over heals in love with them! I knew they were fraternal, so I wasn't expecting them to be alike. I am not sure what I expected, but I always thought of them as their own little selves and never thought of them as one. Micah was my 1st born. He had a wonderful almost bald head. He was such a happy little fella whose smile brings sunshine. Jordy, he was my baby...my last born, wonderful little curls covered his head. He was very intense and demanding.
Through the years they have both given me different gifts of love. They have brought out parts of me that I never knew existed. They have chased me with frogs and lizards to make me run and scream so that they could squeal with delight! The have hugged my heart with their gentle words of love and encouragement more times than I can count. They have both in their own ways wrapped this mamma's heart around their little fingers. They have brought me countless bouquets of dandelions. They smooshed so many loaves of bread because they wanted to help me carry in the groceries that we always had half size sandwiches instead of full sandwiches until they were 5.
I never thought that I wanted little boys, but my fellas had proved me so wrong. I could not have gotten a more wonderful surprise in my life!
Though we celebrated their birthday about a week ago, I am the one that got the most wonderful gifts of all. My twinkies! Thank You Lord!