I kept thinking, "God, do you know what you are doing?"...If it were twin girls I wouldn't have questioned Him one bit, but B-O-Y-S??????? I was so fearful of having little boys, so afraid that I would hurt them and not know how to mother them. I was starting out with two sons, not one to build up to the next one, but TWO at the same time! Fear was all that I could think or feel, it consumed me. I don't know if I slept that night or not, but I do know that fear had began to lead me around by the nose.
I always knew I was going to have twins. I can't remember not planning for twins. When I was in 3rd grade I had twin names picked out. They would be Patrick and Patricia. Back to the story...
The next day after receiving the news I remember being up under my covers hiding from the world and praying, I don't know what I was praying about other than questioning God's wisdome. When I finally quit talking, I heard a voice in my spirit, "Angela, I have given you two sons, because that is how much I have healed you and I want you to know that I can trust you with them." What!?!?!? God, you trust me with 2 boys???? As much as I had mistrusted the male gender my whole life(with the exception of my grandfather and great uncle)??? Wes was the 1st man that I did not fear in some way or another. He stood by me as I went through emotional and spiritual healing from the abuse of my childhood. He loved me through the hardest times in my life. He never left me or judged me for my calloused heart. I had learned that not all men were mean horrible creatures.
Micah is on the top. Jordy is on the bottom.
I began to ponder this word I heard from the Lord. He was right, He had healed me. I wasn't the hurt little girl that married Wes. I had become a strong woman and one that wanted my children raised differently than I was.
After the initial shock wore off, I began to anticipate these little fellas. My heart fell totally head over heals in love with them! I knew they were fraternal, so I wasn't expecting them to be alike. I am not sure what I expected, but I always thought of them as their own little selves and never thought of them as one. Micah was my 1st born. He had a wonderful almost bald head. He was such a happy little fella whose smile brings sunshine. Jordy, he was my baby...my last born, wonderful little curls covered his head. He was very intense and demanding.
Through the years they have both given me different gifts of love. They have brought out parts of me that I never knew existed. They have chased me with frogs and lizards to make me run and scream so that they could squeal with delight! The have hugged my heart with their gentle words of love and encouragement more times than I can count. They have both in their own ways wrapped this mamma's heart around their little fingers. They have brought me countless bouquets of dandelions. They smooshed so many loaves of bread because they wanted to help me carry in the groceries that we always had half size sandwiches instead of full sandwiches until they were 5.
I never thought that I wanted little boys, but my fellas had proved me so wrong. I could not have gotten a more wonderful surprise in my life!
Though we celebrated their birthday about a week ago, I am the one that got the most wonderful gifts of all. My twinkies! Thank You Lord!
8 comments:
Wow, sweet! You are truly and wonderfully blessed! A large portion of that is because you realize it! So many people have so much, and have no clue that they are RICH! It's wonderful to read how you have been blessed!
Karen
God is so good, and He really does know, doesn't He! My near-19-year-old was DUE on the 16th--he thought it would be amusing to wait until the 25th, lol. Happy birthday to Micah & Jordy!
Michelle of MF Cardworks (and TeamCAC)
You write beautifully-- Happy Birthday to your twinkies!
Looks like God knew what he was doing when he handed these guys over to you. I really enjoy your spin on life. It is comforting to read and relate to my own life. Thanx. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday to your "Twinkies"!! God couldn't have blessed the boys with a better Mother. Your close relationship with God is a wonderful life example for them, especially after the childhood you experienced. It's "easy" to be "close" to God when you haven't endured extreme hardships in your life. It's those who turn to God to be their very lifeline that have such an awesome testimony to share. He, and He alone, can heal those of us who have been through so much. Bless you and your "twinkies"!! :)
Aww, cute twins. I have a soft spot in my heart for twins.
I remember my mom finding out she was having twins...at 43...she came into my work crying "What am I going to do?". I remember telling her that God never gives you more than you can handle...as hard as that seems sometimes! My little sisters (20 years younger than I am!) are so adorable and the spitting image of me and my sister when we were little (not twins).
I've always wanted to have twins, not that I really WANT twins, the amount of work seems huge compared to one baby. But I don't like the thought of going through more than one pregnancy...or making my husband endure me for two pregnancies (:... so twins seems like a good option (:
Aww that is really so sweet what you wrote. Touched my heart =) I always worry about when I have children, if it's boys - will I be able to relate to them and be a good mother. Only God knows =)
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