Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Meeting Josh Part 5

The sun had started setting while we were taking family photos at the lake. The kids were still out on the pier posing and fishing with Isaiah's newly bought spongebob fishing pole. Some nice gentleman shared a worm or two with him since his plastic bait had broken offand floated into the lake. I am not sure who caught the fish, but all of a sudden I heard a blood curdling scream. I looked to see what was going on! It was Chelsea screaming and Jordan laughing as he was chasing her with this wet animal still on the line! Now our family hasn't fished much, needless to say a 15 y.o. brother chasing his 16y.o. sister really was a sight! There was great laughter and giggles all around.

I was so thankful for this distraction, as I had began to dread the evening and the next morning. I was beginning to feel very jealous of my children. They had pretty much had him all day, I didn't feel like I had truly had any time with Josh at all. Anxiety had hit my heart.All I could think of was that He would be leaving in about 12 hours and I hadn't got to visit with him like I had really wanted to. I had isolated myself from the group because I didn't want any attention on me. I didn't want the kids to know I was crying while they were healing and having a wonderful time being what they always longed for. A family with Josh in the picture.I really struggled to not ruin their time of gladness.

All I wanted then was to have Josh all to myself. That was so selfish, but as ugly as it seems, that is what I wanted. I had to give myself a pep talk and remind myself, that I was an adult and that I needed to act like an adult and not a child. I needed to be thankful for the gift of having Josh in my life and the joy of my children's hearts.

The sun set, and everything grew dark. This included the picnic area we were sitting at. Wes, Joann and I packed up everything we took to the lake and everyone headed for the house. We were sooooooooo tired,but our hearts were still sailing!

The table was almost set, I walked into the kitchen and there stood this wonderful young man that my heart loves so much sobbing. His mom was just a foot or two from him. Joann and I both grabbed Josh and just cried with him for a while. I wasn't sure why we were crying I just knew tears were flowing and it felt so good! I sent Josh a questionnaire last week. It is one that I had received from one of my daughters. Here is a question on it and his response.-When and why did you last cry?In the kitchen before dinner on the Sunday before I left.I realized that I had been thinking of you guys every night I had sat down to dinner my entire life and I was about to finally sit down at the same table with y'all. I cried because I felt something bigger than life pulling me into that seat and all I could do was cry. I now better understand what he was going through. I never thought that it would have been that monumental. Sitting down with my family for a meal is something that I had somehow lost the true value of. Josh reminded me.

After the meal, all the kids took turns sharing, and being with Josh. Joann and I did the dishes. We both felt the anxiety and the need to keep ourselves busy. She is such a jewel. Truly a treasure from heaven. One that the Lord has put smack dab in the middle of my life.I am so grateful for the goodness of God in her.

The kids had pretty much decided that if Josh were part of the family then he had to stay with us on Sunday night too. I am still just floored at the way my children all just opened their hearts and put this wonderful sibling in the right place in the family. When I think of this, I think of those bags that you can vacuum seal. I see all of my children with Josh in the bag, sucked in so tight, there is no room or means to get out!

Joann left shortly after dinner. I was watching her. My heart wondered what she was thinking and feeling. I don't think I could have asked her. That was a private time all her own. Most of all,what I thought was what a wonderful job God did picking out a mom for Josh. I am so glad He picked her!!

Around 11p.m. I finally claimed Josh all for my own. We went back out to the front porch and those rocking chairs. I wanted to hear him talk. I wanted to hear what he was saying. I wanted to just marinate in the awesomeness of his being. I know that sounds abit out there,but I wanted to just be in his presence. We both cried and spoke of some hard issues. We both didn't want to go to bed because we knew what the morning was going to bring. We both felt our bodies beginning to rebel and sleep take over so we surrendered and went to bed. My sleep was sweet that night even though my heart knew that his departure was near...and yes, I was up early Monday morning to watch him sleep as I drank my coffee and read my newspaper.

I will finish up this story in the next day or two with one more blog titled Meeting Josh. If you have any questions you would like to ask me concerning this please leave a comment. If I feel I can answer them with respect for Josh's privacy, I will.

Once again, thanks so much for sharing in my great joy!


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