Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Meeting Josh

I spoke with Josh late Thursday night. He invited me to breakfast. He called me early Friday morning to schedule a time. I had an eye doctor appointment I had had scheduled for some time before.Considering my appointment, Josh said, we can do this after your appointment. My heart dropped! I immediately said I was open to doing it before the appointment if he chose to. Thankfully he was as eager as I was! So they came to the house. I believe that was the longest 10 minutes of my life!I opened the door, (why wasn't I sitting on the front porch?!?!?)There was this beautiful man standing in front of me. He looked just like me. Oh my! I grabbed him tightly and hugged him truly big. All I could feel was his body shaking like a leaf. My heart immediately went out to him. The fear he had made me forget any that I had. I had to try to bring him some type of comfort immediately. I told him, "Welcome Home". I wasn't sure how his mom would react to that, but that is what my heart was thinking.

We immediately went to eat. We sat beside each other just looking at one another and crying on and off silently and sharing small talk, wonderful small talk. The reality was so overwhelming. This man I was looking at was my flesh and blood. The last time I had talked to him he was three days old.It was just the two of us way back then and the emotions I was feeling at the breakfast table,were the exact same ones I had felt that last time I saw him. The best way to describe it is over whelming love. There really is not one single word to describe the emotions of my heart during this time. Josh was so full of love for me. Unconditional love. That is not what I was expecting. I was almost speechless. I kept waiting for anger or hurt to come out. It never did.

There was no way that I could let this time be usurped by a doctor that I don't even know.I felt like I just continuously kept touching him. I was so thankful he didn't take my hands off of him. I hope I didn't make him feel too uncomfortable.After breakfast, we came back to the house. Kara, my oldest daughter was here by then. She is the only child I have that is old enough to remember when I was pregnant with Josh. She had just turned 6 y.o.when he was born. They just grabbed a hold of each other and stayed that way for a little while. It was a wonderful time of healing for me in that moment. For her too I believe. She and Josh look sooooo much alike! My genes must be very strong! It is amazing how he found time for each of his siblings, making each one feel so special. I don't believe any of them felt short changed time wise. I watched as each of my children attached their heart to his.

I was so overwhelmed with the reality of what love is by my children. He has always been the missing piece of puzzle in our family. My children help to place him in the proper place. He fit perfectly and very snuggly! Joann and I cried together so often as we experienced the healing that was happening in our children. She and her husband have always always gone out of their way to be generously loving to my family.This time was no exception. My heart went out to her. I was wondering what she was thinking and experiencing. We shared quite a few "mammamoments". I wanted her to know how grateful I was for this moment. I don't think I could ever find the words to say thank you to her or Rick. I am going to have to stop writing for now. I need to go cry. I will post again real soon, I promise.

Thank you for sharing my joy. It is allowing the happiness in my life to be multiplied.

1 comment:

God's Girl said...

Wow! What a great story. God sure has mysterious ways. : )

All for Jesus,